gwen@gwenchmarks:~$ ./launch_placeholder_site.sh

gwenchmarks.com

make database go purrrrrr

/ ascii cat /

 /\_/\\
( o.o )
 > ^ <

   |\__/,|   (`\
 _.|o o  |_   ) )
-(((---(((--------

/ benchmark notes /

target: postgres-shaped things
mode:   absurdly curious
goal:   lower latency

[todo]
- poke query plans
- stress weird indexes
- count cache misses
- reward fast cats

Gwen's benchmark bunker is booting. Expect tiny SQL crimes, explain analyze screenshots, cache-friendly experiments, and an unreasonable number of test runs dedicated to shaving milliseconds off the clock.

purr/sec 11.7k simulated

tail latency still being chased

site status placeholder online_

system message: benchmarks incoming
eta: whenever the cat finishes profiling